just come out here and I will go home with you...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
