I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
