I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
