Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
