Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
