You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i think my mom watched the whole time
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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