I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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