dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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