just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
