dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
