Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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