dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
