I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
