It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
