I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
