we made out on top of his cat.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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