I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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