at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
