Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
