So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
