Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You were trust falling into bushes
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
