There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
