Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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