Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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