Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
