I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
