i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
