Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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