ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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