Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize