i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
