you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
