Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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