All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize