how can u be prego again
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
