yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I will die if light touches me.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
