even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
