Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
