I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i was born a porn star she said
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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