I just threw up on my dentist
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
