ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
