drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Success! We fucked roommates!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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