people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
