Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
