I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
