dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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