I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
