Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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