By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
