i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
