Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
