There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
