Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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