he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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