she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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