If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
