I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
