Pants 0. Shit 1.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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