i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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