Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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