i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
