i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
