What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
