What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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