Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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