she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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