We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just invented taco cereal.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
