Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
