i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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