why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
