Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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