It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize