Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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