Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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