just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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