I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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