I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have aggressive nipples.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
