Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
