I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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