Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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