I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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