Pass out mid-funnel last night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
