Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
