I am puke
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
