If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
