then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
