if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We don't watch enough power rangers
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
