"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
