He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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