Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
im on a boat
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