I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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