Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
