He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Hippo gnu deer
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize