do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
