Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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