my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
